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CD ROM Paradise Collection 4
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CD ROM Paradise Collection 4 1995 Nov.iso
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joke35.zip
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01.DOC
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Wrap
Text File
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1994-11-20
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5KB
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102 lines
IT WUS A ACCIDENT!
***
ACCIDENT REPORTS
Quotes from accident reports
submitted to various Insurance companies:
***
Coming home,
I drove into the wrong house
and collided with a tree I don't have.
***
The other car collided with mine
without giving warning of its intentions.
***
I thought my window was down,
but found it was up
when I put my hand through it.
***
I collided with a stationary truck
coming the other way.
***
The guy was all over the road;
I had to swerve a number of times
before I hit him.
***
I pulled away from the side of the road,
glanced at my mother-in-law,
and headed over the embankment.
***
In my attempt to kill a fly,
I drove into a telephone pole.
***
I had been driving for 40 years
when I fell asleep at the wheel
and had the accident.
***
To avoid hitting the bumper
of the car in front,
I struck the pedestrian.
***
My car was legally parked
as it backed into the other vehicle.
***
An invisible car came out of nowhere,
struck my vehicle and vanished.
***
I told the police that I was not injured,
but on removing my hat,
I found that I had a fractured skull.
***
I was sure the old fellow
would never make it
to the other side of the road
when I struck him.
***
The pedestrian
had no idea which direction to run,
so I ran over him.
***
The indirect cause of this accident
was a little guy in a small car
with a big mouth.
***
I was thrown from my car as it left the road.
I was later found in a ditch
by some stray cows.
***
The telephone pole was approaching.
I was attempting to swerve out of its way,
when it struck my front end.
***
I was unable to stop in time
and my car crashed into the other vehicle.
The driver and passengers then left immediately
for vacation with injuries.
(AIDE MAGAZINE, February 1989--ALL THE ABOVE)
***
WRAP IT UP!
I sat down next to a guy in the doctor's office.
He was covered with bandages.
"Have an accident?" I asked.
"No thanks, I just had one," he replied.
"Actually, I'm in training to become a mummy."
"Would you believe that I ran out
of clean clothes?"
"Of course I had an accident,
You nimcompoop!"
(Two thousand comemdians out of work
and I have to sit by this guy).
***
MAGIC
The magican wrote on his accident report,
I was driving down the street
And turned into a tree.
***
END